MIA blogger: Palliative Care

Hey everyone.

I thought that I should put up a personal post today. My life has been upside-down for almost a week now. Maybe you've noticed there haven't been any fluffy posts on here about super yum recipes or life posts etc...maybe you noticed I just haven't been too active on twitter...

My mom called me up last Friday morning, bright and early..my mom doesn't do bright and early, and i hadn't talked to her in months, so i knew immediately something was very wrong.

My aunt had been moved into Palliative Care.

A bit of backstory here, about 2 years ago she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer..we all immediately lost it. We knew it was basically a death sentence :(
BUT they actually caught it in time, and it was removed and she did chemo, etc. It was GONE.
I don't actually know much about time-line stuff here so just bear with me...but then it was found somewhere else, and then somewhere else, and we were told 'sorry, it's untreatable'.
She was doing so well though! We all got together last Easter because it was supposed to be her last one..but she made it to this past Easter, using only one cane for support...but then a couple days later it was 2, then a couple days after that a walker if she NEEDED to get up, then a chest scan showing a lot of fluid...and now Palliative care. She's middle aged but now suddenly looks elderly. A 'healthy' sized woman now looking so frail and small. The fluid buildup gives her the appearance of being about 5 months pregnant. She's eating(fluids) but she is getting nothing from it but the comfort of feeling like she's still eating..as it's almost immediately removed from her stomach with the drainage tube. There is no IV to give her sustenance. She's got morphine on schedule to help ease the constant pain. She hasn't gone to the bathroom in about 2 weeks. We know it's coming, but she appears so 'strong'...if I can even use that word..

I am 32 years old, I am running out of family very fast. My grama died almost 4 yrs ago (she was 98), my uncle died suddenly a year before that..and now my aunt in the very near future :(
Ever since my grama's health went downhill, my family hasn't been the same..we just not that close anymore. Nobody tries. There's been death, and divorce, and moving. We all live about 3 hrs apart. Etc Etc Etc...excuses i know..

So in the past week, I've driven the 7 hrs (3+ hours each way) on Saturday, and then yesterday, and now it looks like I'll be taking my girls up with us this coming Saturday. My mom doesn't drive, and just being a passenger takes a lot from her. Heck the 7 hrs of driving turns me part zombie!
But seeing that sparkle in her eyes makes it ok. Just seeing how happy it made her when my girls sent drawings up with me, i now see that it's time for me to take them up with me.

So, that is where I've been...if you pray, please can i beg a prayer off you? That it's quick and with as little pain as possible. I can't even begin to tell you what i've seen up there...

EFF YOU CANCER!!! YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!!